I drove 45 miles for my first hookup...

and gas was pretty cheap that day!

I remember playing a game of Never Have I Ever in high school where one person loudly declared “Never have I ever driven over 30 miles just to have sex with someone.” A friend to my left put one finger down, saying they had driven roughly 30 miles to hook up with someone in their car at a nearby university. I remember thinking that was a ridiculously long trip just to get laid.

Four years later, I drove 45 miles to go have my first casual hook-up.

Like many people, I never quite got around to the whole “casual sex” thing in high school. I had a few long-term relationships where sex occurred but — as a trans person with iffy body confidence — having sex with a person I didn’t really know felt like opening myself up for ridicule.

However, about a year and a half after my last long-term relationship, I was desperate to get laid. I had been on testosterone for about three months by that point and the most noticeable effect was that my voice had dropped and I was horny all the goddamn time.

Now, I wasn’t just teenage-boy horny, I was a repressed, fresh off of birth control that lowered my sex drive and fresh on a medication that multiplied it by 12, type of horny. At this point, a fruit could look just a little too phallic and I’d be ready to go.

I had tried all of the apps and found that Bumble had just the right amount of gay people but just enough “this isn’t a hookup app” energy for me to feel confident enough in my use of it.

After swiping and emploring the use of heavy, direct flirting, eventually, I found a nonbinary individual willing to rail me within an inch of my life — score!

This hookup was critical for two reasons: the first was (like I mentioned) that this was my first hookup, and the second is that I was going to bottom for the first time. You’ve heard of topping as a cope? Get ready for topping so that I didn’t have to acknowledge bottom dysphoria and to avoid being vulnerable. Every other time I had sex I was strictly a top, but the beauty of casual sex is that this person had no prior expectations for me. And if I told them I was a bottom, they’d treat me like a bottom.

After sharing my location with friends, I set out to drive to this person’s house. Their name was Brick, which felt like such a nonbinary name that it was almost comforting. Brick was on their porch as I pulled up and greeted me with a hug, all was going well.

We went to their room and started to chat. They had a Taylor Swift tapestry on their wall and I told them that my friends were obsessed with her music. Brick told me a bit about their hobbies and after about 30 minutes of chatting, I felt that it was time to get this show on the road.

I was occupying roughly 65% of their bed at this point, spread out like a goddamn starfish because, you know, body language or something. Try as I might, Brick would not get the fucking hint. I was making innuendos left and right. I said — while maintaining extended eye contact — that it was time for them to fuck me. And yet there I was, fully horizontal on their bed waiting for the moment they would just get on top of me, a full hour after I had arrived at their house.

During this time, Brick told me all about themselves. I learned that they used to have a few cats, that they had a dog who lived with their long-term partner, and that they were stabbed as a child. I was also informed that Brick thought this incident was why they had a blood kink, which I politely declined to participate in.

Did I feel like they were probably oversharing? Yes. But I was much more concerned about getting them to fuck me than to actually consider the red-flag implications of a person saying that you “couldn’t handle” having sex with them while they were having a dissociative identity disorder episode because their alternate personality was just soooo dominant.

Finally, after being in a near-constant state of horny for two hours (half of this time was just me listening to Beyonce’s “Renaissance” album on the drive over), Brick got down to business.

And that business was indeed railing me within an inch of my life! Sex with Brick basically alternated back and forth between teasing me until I was shaking and then finally fucking me again once I begged enough — and TRUST me, I know how to beg.

This pattern was repeated for about an hour with a sprinkling of me eating them out, me getting fingered, and a shared high-five after Brick made a particularly bad sex joke. Now, as a seasoned member of the “I can’t cum without a vibrator” club, I had come to Brick’s house with my Satisfyer Curve at the ready, so I was surprised when Brick offered their own wand for me to use instead!

When I’m masturbating, it probably takes about seven or eight minutes minimum for me to cum with just clitoral stimulation. But when you add in almost any form of penetration? Woof. I’m a goner.

Overall, I’d say I had a fan-fucking-tastic (pun intended) time for my first hookup. Was it slightly grayed by the fact that the next day Brick asked me to go on a date with them even though I had specifically said I was only looking for a one-time thing? Yes. But I’m trying to remember that — so long as I’m not being an absolute dick — I am not responsible for how other people react to me rejecting them.

Despite having my first casual hookup, the thought of having another has me shaking in my boots, though maybe a little less. Trans people open themselves up to a lot of possible complications when it comes to casual sex. And a lot of trans people, especially trans women of color, also have to consider their physical safety during these interactions.

Sure, apps like Bumble, Grindr, or Sniffies make it a lot easier to filter out some problematic individuals, but it’s important to remember that every time a trans person discloses their trans identity they are putting themselves at risk.

However, now that I recently removed away from the suburban area I met Brick at and into a more populated (ie: gayer) area, I’m definitely going to try again.

Cheers to trying my best and casual sex.